


I'll Put On the Shoes You Picked out For Me

by ironicbleu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25950757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironicbleu/pseuds/ironicbleu
Summary: After a long rivalry, Shizuo and Izaya have settled their differences to try a relationship.Izaya gets some advice from Shizuo's brother about how to be a better boyfriend, but the sudden change in pace has Shizuo left uncomfortable.Their typical fighting ensues.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Kudos: 33





	I'll Put On the Shoes You Picked out For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, posting some old fics I wrote a few years ago. I hope you enjoy, feedback and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> This isn't beta'd so if there are mistakes let me know.

Shizuo knew he’d be in for some deep shit when he asked Izaya to be his boyfriend.

Against all odds, the two of them had, over the course of years, come to understand one another better. Izaya appreciated the “human” parts of Shizuo, and Shizuo did his best to understand and put up with Izaya’s antics. Things were difficult in their relationship at first as they had to learn how exactly to get along and put years of hurt and fighting behind them. But they worked together and moved on from that, leaving the past behind and making a new future for themselves.

Izaya had a hard time feeling connected to other people. In fact, in his whole life, he’d always been alone. He had “friends,” but truthfully they were just people he talked to because he was bored. He never had anyone he cared about.

And then he met Shizuo. Shizuo, who actually  _ wanted _ to understand Izaya, to break down his walls, to genuinely befriend him. Izaya had never met anyone like that before. Nobody had ever tried to understand him; they just accepted him for the horrible, manipulative person he was and moved on, deciding he was unlovable.

Izaya felt something for Shizuo. He actually  _ felt _ something for once, which he soon realized was a connection. An emotional bond to someone. For the first time in his life, he felt an emotion that would develop into love.

But, having never had any friends growing up, Izaya didn’t know how to express that love. At first, Shizuo just thought Izaya didn’t love him back. But after Izaya explained everything to him, Shizuo realized this would be a relationship where his partner wouldn’t be overly affectionate and say “I love you!” every time they were within 5 feet of each other.

In fact, Izaya rarely said “I love you,” and it was even rarer for him to follow it up with a long explanation of why. But he did it sometimes, and Shizuo always appreciated those moments.

Which was why Shizuo was taken aback when Izaya had been  _ way _ too affectionate for the past few days. Every time they were close (which was often, because Izaya was a clingy mess), he would happily say, “I love you, Shizu-chan!” and sure, Shizuo liked it, but suspicion ate away at his happiness. “I love you so much, Shizu-chan, more than I’ll ever properly be able to express. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt connected to, and I love that. I love  _ you _ . I love it when you hold me, and make me laugh, and when you smile. I’m in love with everything about you. Do you know how happy I am that we ended up together? Things have been rough between us, that’s for sure, and our relationship hasn’t been easy… but still, we held on, and we ended up like this. Happy together, and both alive. Isn’t that something? I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Izaya had told him yesterday morning.

That’s when Shizuo decided something was wrong.

Shizuo noted that Izaya started being suspiciously affectionate a few days ago after he had visited Kasuka’s house. Naturally, Shizuo had called his brother and asked why. Izaya may be his boyfriend, but he still had a few tricks up his sleeve.

“Oh, Izaya?” Kasuka had asked. “Yeah. He came by today.”

  
“Why?” Shizuo had pushed.

“He asked how he could make his relationship with you better. That’s all,” Kasuka had explained. “I told him you like it when people show you affection, that you appreciate it a lot.”

That didn’t set well with Shizuo. It almost felt as if Izaya was just saying these things to make him happy, when truthfully he didn’t mean what he said at all. The doubt and uneasiness had tormented Shizuo’s mind since then, until finally he snapped.

“I love you, Shizu-chan!” Izaya chirped.

“No you don’t,” Shizuo said under his breath.

Izaya paused, the smile on his face fading. “What? What makes you think that?”

“Whatever,” Shizuo sighed. “Don’t mind that.”  _ It’s not like you really even care anyways _ .

“Are you sure?” Izaya asked. He sat down next to Shizuo on the couch and placed his

hand over his boyfriend’s.

“It doesn’t matter,” Shizuo snapped.

“It matters to me,” Izaya retorted. “You’re the only person I genuinely love and I want to make sure you know it.”

“Mhm, got it,” Shizuo mumbled.

“Why do you doubt me?” Izaya asked, hurt creeping into his words.

“No reason.”

  
“I’m sure there’s a reason. There’s a reason for everything,” Izaya pushed.

“It’s just really suspicious,” Shizuo admitted. “You suddenly start giving me affection because Kasuka called you out for it? Because it’ll make you a better person? I don’t get it. You’re using me to be a better person, which is nothing new.”

Izaya felt something inside of him break. He knew he was a horrible person, that his manipulative nature wasn’t healthy. Yes, he was trying to get better. Yes, Shizuo believed in him and helped him. But he wasn’t using Shizuo. Shizuo wasn’t a tool, wasn’t a puppet like everyone else was (...or had been). He was his  _ boyfriend _ , the only person who ever made Izaya feel anything.

“What? No. That’s not it. I’ve loved you, ever since things started getting better between us a few years ago. I’m just not the type of person who’s overly affectionate, so I don’t express my love a lot. But after talking to Kasuka a few days ago, he told me you appreciate it when people give you affection. So I thought it’d be a good thing to put more effort into doing that, y’know? I’m not using you to be a better person; I’m trying to show you how I feel inside because I thought it’d make you happy and feel loved,” Izaya explained, his throat closing up. Is this what heartbreak felt like? 

“It  _ would _ make me feel happy and loved but it’s way too sudden and way too intense, and it feels like you’re just plain lying. You’re a great liar, so how am I supposed to know?” Shizuo asked angrily, flashing him a dangerous smile.

“I’d like to think I’m not that type of person anymore. That’s who I used to be, and I’m not proud of it at all.”

“Well, you’re better now.”

  
“Yeah, which also means I’m not lying to you!” Izaya angrily said, his voice raising.

“Whatever you say!” Shizuo yelled with another intense smile, throwing his hands up in the air.

“If you think I’m lying to you, then why are we even dating in the first place? Just  _ leave _ if you think our whole relationship is a lie! See if I care! According to you and literally every other person on the god forsaken planet, I can’t feel emotions or love anyone, so I  _ obviously _ wouldn’t give a shit or feel anything if you left!” Izaya yelled, standing up. 

Shizuo stood up, glaring at Izaya. He picked up the couch with one hand and smashed it into the ground, the wood splintering into countless shards and tearing the cloth. Shizuo took one last glance at Izaya and stared at him angrily, though it was clear there were tears in his eyes.

And then he left, gently closing the door behind him.

Izaya let out a choked sob. “How did it end up like this?” he asked himself. “How did things go so horribly wrong? I just wanted to be a better boyfriend, to try and show Shizuo how much I truly love him deep inside… Am I really just that horrible?” 

He punched the wall, drywall shattering around his fist. “Why don’t you believe that I love you, Shizu-chan?” Izaya yelled, his voice cracking when he said his boyfriend’s name. 

“Why?” he asked, punching the wall again.

“Why?” A second punch.

“WHY?” And suddenly, his fist was bleeding.

He let out a frustrated scream and kicked a chair over. “The  _ one _ time I try to do something good, it backfires. Of course. I guess I’m just destined to be a bad person. Isn’t that right, Shizu-chan?” he asked the emptiness, letting out a loud laugh ridden with sobs. “Isn’t that RIGHT? I was just born to be a horrible person who can only hurt people, no matter how hard he tries not to! Well, that’s fine. That’s fine! If you want me to be the bad guy, then I’ll be the bad guy, Shizu-chan,” he muttered darkly to himself, a sick smile growing on his face.

He sat down at his computer and pulled up the chatroom. 

_ Kanra: Hey, is anybody on? I have urgent news! _

_ TarouTanaka: Yeah, what’s up, Kanra? _

_ Kanra: I heard Shizuo Heiwajima just assaulted someone at the bar. Apparently he had a  _

_ few too many drinks and got a bit carried away… _

_ TarouTanaka: That’s horrible! _

_ Kanra: Typical of Shizuo, though. He’s quite the monster. _

_ TarouTanaka: ...Is he still out? _

_ Kanra: I’d assume so. Why? _

_ TarouTanaka: I could get someone to stop him.  _

Izaya smiled.

_ Kanra: You’re our savior, Tanaka. I’m sure the victim will appreciate seeing Shizuo get  _

_ what he deserves. _

Tears fell down Izaya’s face like mini waterfalls, but that didn’t stop the thrill of

adrenaline coursing through his veins and making the smirk on his face grow even wider.

“If you want me to be the bad guy, Shizu-chan,” he said, spinning his chair around and throwing out his arms, smiling like a little kid, “I gladly will.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Want to keep up with my writing? Have any requests or want to work together?
> 
> Feel free to contact me at @owarinotenshi on Twitter!


End file.
